You are worthy

My entire adolescence has been intrenched in religion.  I was raised Catholic and up to a certain point lived a Christian life.  I wore a pretty white dress on my first communion, reconciled my juvenile sins with our resident priest, went to confirmation classes and officially became a Christian adult while completing the second sacrament. Since then my relationship with God has changed.  I don't discount the presence of a force outside of human law and cognition, but its form isn't as important to me as is the necessity to live as a kind, generous and gracious person.  I believe in certain aspects of religion, and know of its power to bring people together, to provide salvation, and to spread love.  Adversely I know of religion's capacity to breed hate, to exclude and to suppress.  My experiences with religion in St. Kitts have jarred my opinions a little, as its placement in a developing country has a completely different function. 

In most parts of the country church attendance is high, and there are a plethora of churches from which to worship.  We've managed to attend church twice so far - and this is not from lack of invitations courtesy of our boss and landlady.  I've been weary of attending services  due to the surprisingly brazen introductions I've had to the topic, as the approach to religion on the island is similar to that of the Southern United States.  Along with inquiring after your name, a question about religious affiliation is not far behind.  The question is not whether or not you go to church, but rather what church you go to. I opt not to admit that I am currently a Christmas and Easter Christian.

The services we have attended here have been at Moravian churches.  I've appreciated how we have been welcomed with open arms, given the opportunity to introduce ourselves, and been individually greeted by church members; yet as I sit and listen to the sermons, read the hymns and hear the parishioner's responses, I'm left with the bad taste of servitude from a tarnished spoon.  One phrase I've heard repeated over and over again is "we are not worthy." It is spoken with hands held high, heads hung low, and shortly after the donation basket is circulated. It's spoken to and by a pastor who drives a luxury car to his home in the hills, to a congregation of parishioners who walk to church in their best outfits and shoes, and leave the donation basket filled to the brim with more than they can afford.  I've grown accustomed to a certain amount of hypocrisy in western religion, the wide acceptance that human beings sin, and somehow through prayer we are forgiven. I don't agree with it, but I see it for what it is.  Listening to dozens of people put their problems in to prayer, and only prayer, is different.  The difference lies in this perception of being worthy in--and more importantly--outside of religion. 

This projection of being unworthy, of preaching a message of servitude to a community who's history is dominated by colonialism and slavery is irresponsible.  It continues a culture of oppression that this country's history is riddled with. By no means do I think that religion in the developing world has no place, I just believe that salvation should not take the place of liberation in pursuit of a better life.  Its hard to hear someone praise God for her Cancer remission on an island where there is no Cancer treatment available and its harder still to hear the congregation's support in praising God for her good fortune, rather than demanding better healthcare services, you know, in case prayer fails.  Can't these collective voices be used for progress along with prayer?  There seems to be a missing link that demotivates the voice for change, while a megaphone blasts the lord's prayer.